Shame-Free Curiosity
SHAME-FREE CURIOSITY
Shame-Free Curiosity was written on January 19, 2024. It is the first of five popular essays from 2024’s Thin Slices, a subscriber-only segment of the Wiley Weekly Newsletter.
Each essay was first available to Wiley subscribers. You can subscribe to the Wiley Subscription for access to all essays here.
There is no shame in what you do not know.
I’m going to write that again.
There is no shame in what you do not know.
Recently, I was on a call with someone I admire very deeply. The purpose of our call was to discuss the future of Wiley Canning Company. I shared my detailed vision with her, and she offered me support, validation, and curiosity.
At several moments during our call, she asked me questions for which I did not have answers. As her questions progressed, my lack of answers caused me to feel embarrassed, and eventually, my feelings of embarrassment grew into feelings of shame.
“Why don’t I know this?” I asked myself.
“You should know that, Chelsea,” I scolded.
However, this was the first time since beginning Wiley Canning Company I had spoken in such specific, granular terms with someone who has far more entrepreneurial experience than I. I did not know the answers to her questions because I had not yet discovered the questions themselves.
In the days following our call, I thought of my son. Not long ago, he burned his finger on my curling iron. He did not know my curling iron was a hot object. He reached for it when I was turned away, and he experienced a minor burn for first time. The last emotion that comes to mind when I think of his absence of knowledge is shame.
I thought of a close friend. For years, she has felt uncertain about whether or not to pursue having a child. She can envision a beautiful life with and without a child, and right now, she does not know what the future holds for her family. The last emotion that comes to mind when I think of her uncertainty is shame.
I thought of my 24-year-old self. I had just moved to Nashville and felt very unsure of where to take my career. I was working in medical research with a plan to attend medical school, but I felt a quiet pull to pursue a more creative path. The last emotion that comes to mind when I think of this past version of myself is shame.
Is the unknown uncomfortable? Yes.
Is the yet-to-be discovered intimidating? It can be.
Can a gap in knowledge feel embarrassing? Perhaps.
Is any of this shameful? No.
We do the best we can with the information we have. We do the best we can with the certainty we have. We will discover what is meant for us—the questions and the answers—when the time is right. May we be curious, and may our curiosity be free of shame.